The Cider Vinegar Brew

The second do-gooder to come into my new low-calorie life was cider vinegar. And you heard it right. Vinegar! You see, I had been doing my health food homework, and I kept coming up against that vinegar brew, which was touted as a cure-all for everything from rheumatism to high blood pressure. You name the disease, “they” said cider vinegar could cure it.

Now the kind of cider vinegar I’m talking about is the kind you’ll find in your health-food store, not the white stuff seen on the supermarket shelf. The pure kind, made from apples, and from apples especially grown for cider that’s what we need.

Because this kind of vinegar retains all the good things that apples had to begin with. Such as potassium. Remember how important we told you potassium was? So important that you can’t live without it. Literally.

So, I decided, what harm? I experimented with that old folk-remedy of one teaspoonful of cider vinegar in a glass of water, to be guzzled after each and every meal, by me. It seemed theoretically sound enough. After all, oil and vinegar don’t really mix. Maybe oil and my fat wouldn’t, either, and vinegar just might win out.

Now don’t think I took the heady plunge into vinegar without checking with my internist. I’d heard dreadful things about how it could bum a hole in your gut, turn your bones into jelly all that nonsense. I didn’t want any ulcers in the name of skinny.

I was summarily reassured. In no way could it harm me. When you think about it, that’s pretty obvious. For a teaspoonful of vinegar is just about what goes into a salad dressing, isn’t it? And here we were diluting even more. So I began to drink vinegar brew, every day, after every meal. And inches is what I lost.

Now there is one super-important word of warning about vinegar. You must remember to brush your teeth after every brew. Or drink it through a straw (which I find too much bother to consider).

Or even just rinse your mouth thoroughly after every dose. Because vinegar, if it stays in your mouth, does not work wonders on your teeth and your teeth are not what we want you to lose.

You should be brushing your teeth after every meal, in any case. Or, if you can’t carry around a toothbrush, do as my dentist instructed and rinse vigorously. It has the same cleaning effect and will get rid of that furry-tooth feeling that’s so distasteful.

Don’t be fearful. Vinegar is harmless, indeed, as long as you rinse.

I haven’t had a cavity in years.

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