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Another huge threat to intimacy is letting hurt go unresolved. Nick and Lauren, another couple I’ve worked with, were a classic example of this. Nick had a reputation for being a bit of a ladies man, which Lauren had tried to ignore until one night when she caught him kissing another girl. From then on her stock response to every disagreement was, “Well, you should have thought about that before you wrapped your lips around another girl.” I explained to them that until they resolved this issue, they were never going to be close

Again. So Nick wrote a letter to Lauren explaining exactly what happened, why, and how bad he felt about it. And as soon as Lauren read it she felt that she didn’t need to punish him any more – she could be vulnerable with him again and reclaim the closeness they’d lost. They’d both known for years that they had a problem, but they’d let it fester and almost destroy what was otherwise a really solid relationship. No one needs to do that.

Escape your comfort zone

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