Celebrities’ Dramatic Hair Color Makeovers 2015
Because there were so many inspirational role models at the Oscars this year, I’ve been wondering: Is John Nash the Halle Berry of schizophrenia? Will Halle be eligible for the Nobel Prize in Physics, for keeping the nearly transparent top of her gown so snugly in place? And isn’t it a little weird that during the annual Academy tribute to show business people who’ve died during the past year, the more famous ones get way more screen time?
Political correctness was everywhere on Oscar night, and it’s all over the new animated blockbuster Ice Age. This movie is pretty much insane it’s like a 12-step sup port group for prehistoric creatures. The story follows a woolly mammoth, a saber-toothed tiger, and a wacky little sloth as the trio seeks to return a perky, gurgling little human baby to its Cro-Magnon tribe, and the animals behave like cooing nannies, proving their selfless, unpaid devotion. At first, the tiger plans to eat the baby and arrange an ambush of the other critters, but during the movie he learns the value of friendship; Ice Age is all about a tiger becoming a conscience-stricken vegetarian. The mammoth also begins to open up and share his feelings; it’s bad enough when people start getting all New Agey and huggy, but why do we have to force other species to reach out ?
Most of the critics loved Ice Age but bashed the live-action flick The Time’ Machine, which is actually way more fun.j Guy Pearce plays an earnest Victorian scientist who invents a fabulous contraption that sends him hurtling into the future. I lovq Guy, because he’s handsome but quirky, with anxiety-ridden cheekbones. The spe-j cial effects in The Time Machine are really magical, as we get to watch everything from hemlines to shorelines shrink radically over the millennia, and I was very grateful that Guy never went backward into, say, the Old West, like on a gunslinging Star Trek episode. Instead, he discovers that in the far| distant future, strip-mining on the moon! has caused all sorts of eco-disasters, and Earth is now divided into two factions, the gentle Elois, who wear very Donna Karan: ragged suede wrap skirts and ethnic neck-: laces, and the evil, mutant Morlocks, who: snarl underground and surface only to: chomp ferociously on the yummy Elois. It’s all probably a parable about something, but the movie never really makes you think too much about it.
In the earlier, 1960 version of The Time Machine, the Eloi heroine was a willowy blond named Weena, but now she’s a multiracial knockout called Mara. Jeremy Irons shows up as a bitter, ^ll-powerful albino called the Uber-Mor-lock, who rules from a dripping, cavernous lair; Jeremy is so odd and desiccated and elegant that he seems to be paying regal tribute to the recent retire-ment of Yves Saint Laurent. I think that jl liked The Time Machine because it Wasn’t trying to teach me anything or make a statement about heroism it’s not yearning for that special Oscar for Self-Importance. It’s endearing but also tnuts that America measures racial progress, compassion for the mentally ill, and global peacekeeping all in terms of nominations. If we really want to settle things in the Middle East, why don’t we just send Joan and Melissa Rivers over to the West Bank to decide whether Arafat and Sharon are really dressing for peace? And while we’re at it, didn’t that glittering new Academy Awards stage look not wheelchair-accessible, at least from the audience?
The last movie I saw this month was Y Tu Mama Tambien, a Mexican movie that the press has been salivating over as a sort of profound, politically aware version of American Pie. It’s a road movie jabout two horny teenage boys who pick hp a slightly older, sensual woman and head for the beach, and it’s really just •Summer of’42 with more sex and less attractive actors. Early on, we see the older woman getting mysterious test results from her doctor Lindsay Wagner can play the role in the Lifetime remake. I think that the male critics love this movie because it shows that nerdy guys can get laid. There are also endless shots of poor people on the edges of the action, because it’s a teen movie with a Socially conscious agenda. After a while, It’s like watching Scooby-Doo appearing bn Nightline. Maybe in the sequel, the teenage boys can open a crisis center for saber-toothed tigers with commitment issues, if you ask me.
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